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  • Writer's pictureDezerrae Sanchez

What to do when today isn't a happy Mother's Day




In today's world it seems Mother's Day is a time of celebration, appreciation, and gratitude for many people. However, for those who have strained or complicated relationships with their mothers or mother figures, it can be a painful and difficult day. If you are someone who is struggling with today, I want you to know that you are not alone.


For some people, the difficulties with their mother stem from unresolved childhood trauma or abuse. For others, it may be a result of personality clashes, differing values or beliefs, boundaries being disrespected, or simply a lack of connection and support. Regardless of the root cause, it's important to acknowledge that it can be painful to navigate these complex emotions on a day that is supposed to be dedicated to honoring mothers.


If you're struggling with your relationship with your mother, it's important to prioritize your own well-being. Take some time to reflect on your feelings and needs. It's okay to set boundaries, say no, or distance yourself from toxic or harmful relationships. Remember that you have the power to create your own definition of family and love, and you don't have to conform to societal expectations.

Here are some ways to cope with difficult feelings on Mother's Day:

  1. Acknowledge your emotions: Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up for you, whether it's sadness, anger, or frustration. Don't suppress your feelings or try to push them away. Instead, try to identify the source of your emotions and validate your own experiences.

  2. Practice self-care: Take care of yourself on this day and every day. Practice self-compassion, engage in activities that bring you joy, and surround yourself with people who support and care for you. Remember that your well-being is important, and it's okay to prioritize your own needs.

  3. Create your own traditions: You don't have to conform to traditional Mother's Day celebrations if they don't align with your values or emotions. Instead, create your own traditions that bring you joy and comfort. This could be spending time with chosen family members, treating yourself to a special activity, or volunteering for a cause that is meaningful to you.

  4. Seek support: Don't be afraid to seek support from trusted friends or professionals. Therapy, support groups, or talking to a trusted friend or loved one can provide a safe space to process your emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms.

It's important to remember that you are not responsible for your mother's actions or behaviors. You are only responsible for your own emotions and actions. While it can be tempting to blame ourselves or try to change our mother's behavior, it's important to recognize that we cannot control other people's actions. We can only control our own reactions and behaviors.


If you're feeling guilty or conflicted about your relationship with your mother, it's important to give yourself permission to feel those emotions. Remember that it's okay to have complicated feelings, and it doesn't mean that you are doing something wrong, being disrespectful, or making the wrong choice. It simply means that you are acknowledging the complexities of your relationship.


So, if you're struggling on Mother's Day due to a difficult relationship with your mother, please know that you are not alone. It's okay to prioritize your own well-being, set boundaries, and create your own traditions. Remember to practice self-care, seek support, and validate your own experiences and emotions. You deserve to be happy and at peace, and I hope that you can find that today and every day.


What is one way you are recognizing and honoring yourself today?

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